Wrestling With My Fallibility
Normally, I work on my weekly blogpost throughout the week as part of my personal scripture study. This week, I've needed a lot of direction, which has filled my personal study time. I suspect that's the way it's going to be for the foreseeable future. So, my blog is morphing to a record of what strikes me as the most important thing I've learned as I've sought heavenly direction over the last 6 days.
The Book of Enos has been a recurring theme for me lately. I wrote about what I learned from it last week. Now, I've opened to it twice this week, once in answer to my question about where I should be focusing in my scripture study and once as I sought direction about how to write some curriculum I'm working on.
What has struck me most strongly is that Enos is powerful because Enos is personal. I love the phrase, "I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins" (Enos 1:2). I love it because the more I try to exert an influence for good, the more I bump up against how inexpert all of my expertise is and how fallible are my best efforts to lead others aright.
Also, I'm coming to understand that it's always going to be that way and that's not just okay, it's part of God's design. None of us is supposed to achieve infallibility. I think that's part of the message of D&C 1:19,20 (emphasis added):
"The weak things of the world shall come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones, that man should not counsel his fellow man, neither trust in the arm of flesh -- But that every man might speak in the name of God the Lord, even the Savior of the world".
Thus, the direction I keep getting is to humble myself, stop thinking of myself as an expert on anything, and to stop trying to get people to listen to me. My goal needs to be to help people get clarity, direction and assurance from the Source of all truth. And, generally, the best way I can do that is by sharing about my own wrestle with God as I seek recognition and remission of my sins.
In the end, I don't actually need to be an expert at anything except repenting. And God's goodness is so far beyond my comprehension, and so much more beyond my capacity, that I'll be developing that expertise for the rest of my life.